life as her mother

They tell you having children changes your life. You agree, thinking that you know what they mean.

But you don't.

Not really, not until you have one of your own.

Now I understand why a mama grizzly bear will shred a person who gets between her and her cub. M-U-S-T P-R-O-T-E-C-T is engrained into every fiber of your being when that baby crowns and you push her out into the world.

I watch Grace's body, long and lean, as she runs and plays, and I ache to protect her, though I know that I can't and in some instances I shouldn't, from all of the hurts in the world.

Grace had a follow-up appointment with her pediatrician yesterday, and they found pus and blood in her urine sample. What this means is unclear. Is her UTI still unresolved? If so, she will have been sick with it for over a month.

I am waiting, anxiously, as any mother would, for the results of her urine culture. She is irritable and clingy. I am feeling like a grizzly.