It's been a little over three years since I have had a full time job. I don't count being a stay at home mom as a job; jobs have benefits and retirement. Jobs generally don't include stretchmarks and extreme sleep deprivation as a requirement. I'm not discounting the "work" I do by staying home with my kids. It's easily the toughest work I have ever done. But being at home doesn't include a paycheck, and truth be told, my "bosses" would be charged with harassment if this were an actual job.
I'm not complaining because in reality I don't want an actual job. It's just that some days, well, many days, it kills me to be domestic. That's the tricky thing about being a SAHM. I like a clean house, but I don't really like cleaning it. I like to be organized, but I procrastinate too much for that to happen. I wish I were more crafty (as an artistic outlet), but I don't finish crafty projects well. I don't like to empty the dishwasher. I hate putting away clothes (though I don't mind doing the laundry). I would rather spend time on the computer (mindlessly searching for who knows what) than take charge of our disorganized office or my bedroom dresser (whose surface has not been seen since we moved in here).
I try to psyche myself up for being more domestic, but invariably I find myself reading online articles from the New York Times instead. The one way in which I handle domesticity, and even enjoy it, is in the kitchen. I love making bread. I love to cook. Finding new foods, new recipes, and new methods gives me a kick. I have to wonder though if my love affair with all things food has nothing to do with being domestic. Rather it fulfills both the analytical, sciencey part of my personality and the artistic part.
I think I'm going to give up on my search for my inner domestic goddess. It just isn't in me. My house may not be well organized, but I make a kicking loaf of multigrain bread. That has to be enough.
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I have uploaded more pictures from the past month (including Nina's visit, Craig's return, and Julia crawling). Click here.
2 comments:
Ellen, your writing always gives me a good laugh! I can pretty much say, "amen" to all of that. However, unlike you, my bread pretty much sucks! I have found that my talent lies in being able to do 3 girls' hair in no time flat.:) By the way, do you actually think there's a dresser top under your piles, because I'm beginning to think that there's not one actually on mine. Just a thought.
By the way, mom & I had a good laugh at your girls "cheering". Just over Christmas Judith & I were doing "G----O Polar Bea---rs...DA DA DA-DA DA DA-DA DA DA DA-DA DA" What classics! Man, what I wouldn't give to go back & tell my 16 year old self how embarrassed I'd be now to think that I was a cheerleader! But it does make for some good laughs at family gatherings. :)
Where has the eight months gone? Very busy for you with the ladybugs - so cute and growing well with such loving attention. It is tough, but so worth it when they and you get older.
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