number seven

I woke last night with numbers floating through my brain: seven, thirty five, ten-thirty, four, thirteen. Each digit corresponding to a different emotional state: confusion, depression, bliss, disbelief, and amazement. I rolled over to read the clock, 4:31 am, and my auditory system finally registered that Julia was crying. Another number, this time it was three; Julia was awake for the third time since I put her down for the night.

While I sat in the rocker and nursed my baby, the numbers returned. Seven. This summer Craig and I will celebrate our seventh wedding anniversary. This milestone makes me think about the "seven year itch", the average duration of a marriage that ends in divorce. I'm not worried about the itch. I am totally and completely in love with my husband; in fact, I love him with greater depth now than I did on our wedding day.

Craig and I got married after a relatively short courtship (11 months). While I felt a great sense of stability and certainty about my marriage, in a very real sense Craig and I didn't know each other all that well when we exchanged our vows. We banked on the fact that we had great chemistry and an ability to communicate well to carry us through. So far our bet has paid off. That said, I understand how and why a seven year itch takes root.

Julia and Grace have been a bit bearish of late. Julia is teething (number eight is trying to break through). Grace is three and a half. The other night both of them were screaming, and I found myself looking at Craig as though he were off in the distance in a fog. You see, children, though we love them (as they are a product of our love), can create a sense of distance between mates.

Juila isn't sleeping well, so I'm tired. Craig's tired too. He has to balance work (in a job that requires at least 60 hours per week) and being available to his children and me. Fatigue and stress, created by the combination of family life and work, can cascade into division and animus. To the best of our abilities, we strive to remain connected and to reaffirm our relationship. Aside from raising two young daughters, this is the hardest work I do. Sustaining and maintaining my marriage is integral to my existence. Without health in that relationship, every other part of my life, including my children, suffers.

I'm sure the number seven will pay a number of visits this year. On June 30th, our seventh anniversary, Craig and I plan to spend an evening, if not a whole weekend, celebrating the itch, or rather, I should say, we'll celebrate keeping the itch at bay.