Regardless of Craig's location, home or otherwise, I am exhausted by 4 pm every day. I count the minutes until he walks in the door each night. I can only imagine what it feels like to be in his shoes, to come home to a cranky, over-tired wife and two over-tired daughters. It can't be good.
I reminded myself of that detail this afternoon when my energy level took a nosedive and my ability to maintain my composure started to unravel: "you would feel this way even if he were here." True, I would.
What's the difference then?
If Craig were here, I would have back-up for the bedtime routine. I would have my faithful dishwasher. I would have been complimented for whatever meal I put on the table. I would have been hugged and told I was loved by someone bigger and stronger than I, someone who makes me feel warm and safe.
Last night I brought Grace into bed with me, in part because I felt guilty about our rotten bedtime experience, but also because my bed feels cold and lonely without Craig in it.
Now it's eight pm. I have a book chapter to edit, dishes to wash, a living room to clean, and, lord help me, a shower to take. Tomorrow is another day.
1 comments:
I know what you're going through!! My own Craig was gone for work for nearly three weeks during the NFL playoffs in January. It was hell on earth. You're so right on in your observations! I appreciate Craig being a part of our team already, but I appreciate it so much more after he's been gone, even for just one night. Hang in there. I also know what it's like to have no family to lean on!
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