I'm sitting on the couch, still in my pajamas, still feeling a bit under the weather, wondering when are we going to plan THE GRAND MIDWEST TOUR! For months we've known we would go to Indiana and Michigan in July, but despite this understanding we have yet to actually pin down our dates (and it's July 2 already). Craig and I give different answers to the same question: when are you leaving? For me, we depart July 6; for Craig, it's July 9.
I've been apathetic about planning, which always makes me wonder if I have some other issues at play. So in no particular order, here they are:
1) I have a TERRIBLE haircut, and I don't want to be seen by anyone! Seriously, you would think I would learn that wearing short hair in the south is HAIR DEATH! Women just don't do it. The woman who cut my hair kept pausing to say "Are you sure about this?", which I should have taken as a sign that my hair would be TERRIBLE! Wearing short hair in the South also creates confusion; how can I have short hair and yet I'm not a lesbian. The worst day for my hair was last Sunday when my elderly african american neighbor told me, "Your hair looks bad, I don't like it. Did the woman who cuts Craig's hair cut yours?"
Sigh.
2) Grace starts Kindergarten on August 6, and I'm freaked. I've worked myself into such a frenzy over it that I've actually considered homeschooling (egads!). When my best friend was here last weekend, she hit the nail on the head:
Me: This is going to be such a big change for Grace, and I'm really nervous for her.
Q: That's true, but this is also going to be an ENORMOUS change for you.
Cue the tears. I've been giving myself pep talks (she's going to love it; she's ready; just because she'll be around kids who are older and exposed to more mature subjects, I'm not feeding her to the wolves; and finally BE CONFIDENT IN YOUR PARENTING, it doesn't end with Kindergarten).
She's going. I'm not homeschooling, but I will cry a lot (in private, so I don't freak her out).
3) Craig just finished his summer teaching (for which I should be thrilled), but I haven't transitioned out of my spouse is working insane hours and I feel like a single parent mode. I keep waiting for him to announce that he has to work. I don't know how to keep a schedule when he's home. It throws everything off. I know, I'm such a whiner!
4) My high school reunion is at the end of the month, and we can't decide whether or not we will stay long enough to attend (see number 2). My mom wondered if I might be anxious about attending the reunion, and with the exception of number 1, I'm not anxious in the least. I have a good life (even if I complain about number 3). However, my indecision about the reunion makes determining a departure date that much more difficult. We don't want to be gone for too long, and yet we want to see a lot of people.
Sigh again.
Regardless of these issues we will be heading north shortly. Perhaps instead of THE GRAND MIDWEST TOUR! I should refer to our trip as INDECISION SUMMER 09!
8 comments:
Ellen, I can totally empathize with the short haircut mistake while living in the deep south. After Chris and I got married and moved to FL, I chopped off all of my hair (the shortest it's ever been). I should have known better because my hair gets frizzy when it's humid. Then to top it all off, I got pregnant almost as soon as the hair was cut. So fat face + short hair + 100% humidity = bad hair year! The only thing that made it tolerable was using a lot of product to keep the frizz down and hairspray. I still shudder because I hate hairspray so much, but it's all I could do to keep it under control.
Hang in there with the school thing. I'm really dreading sending Noah away for 8 hours five days a week next fall. I'm trying to look on the bright side - he'll make new friends, I'll have girl time with Jessi, and heck, I might even make some new friends. I know we can never get back this time when they're so little, but there will be other things to treasure as they get older. My mom was talking to me about this yesterday, how you just need to savor each stage of life for what it is. :) Besides, at least she's not going to high school yet!
i'm so sorry to hear about your haircut - and about the comment your neighbor made. people are always harder on themselves, but i know that is no consolation - you would be beautiful bald, so try not to let it get to you (easier said than done, right?)
i know you guys made the decision to send grace to kindergarten this year... but if it is stressing you out so much, and also at the same time making you sad, would it be easier if maybe you kept her home with you one more year??? with an august birthday, it would be very easy to send her or to keep her home, then she would just be older rather than younger in her class? i know you have gone over and gone over this decision and whatever you decide is definitely the right decision... but maybe YOU would be more ready next year even though grace is ready this year??? i can only imagine how stressful and sentimental it is to be at the point of sending grace to kindergarten - i will be the same way when it is time for anne!!!
regardless of when you arrive in indy - we are very excited to see you :) try to enjoy this holiday weekend and then worry about coming to the midwest on sunday or monday! see you guys very soon!
Ellen,
wow..hope you can enjoy
the summer..change is always
hard for me too..I sympathize.
Keep a sense of humor.
God bless. Love, Aunt Kathy
Rebecca-- the same thing with my hair! Extra frizzy, especially this time of year. I just keep reminding myself that it grows.
Noah's going to be gone for 8 hours too. I swear that's the hardest part for me. If they did half day K, I would be thrilled. I wouldn't give it a second thought. They encourage parents to come in at lunchtime, and Craig and I will probably wear out our welcome!
Laura,
You can't imagine how much I've gone back and forth on this one, but unfortunately that particular school (which is the best public school in the co) doesn't allow you to redshirt your kid. If I kept her home this year, she would have to enter first grade next year there. Also we don't have much of an alternative. Her preK, though they loved her, doesn't want her back to repeat a year, and I think she would think it was weird to be in class with younger kids that she already knows.
All of those things don't make it any easier on me, but I also don't want my needs to trump hers. And I don't want my fears to dictate her life. At so many points I've let fear dominate my decision making, to the point where I'm not fully living, just existing. I don't want that for Grace. I don't want her to be paralyzed by decisions (like I am).
In any case, we're going forward, and I'm going to try not to second guess myself (which is really, really hard). Even if I kept her home, she's still going to change. She's still going to grow up, and even though there are days that I want to freeze time, mostly I want her to grow up to be a confident, happy woman.
I just didn't know that letting her grow up was going to be so HARD!
We can't wait to see you and to have a sleepover with Anne.
Interesting comments about short hair in the South! Learned something new! You are lovely no matter the hair cut though I can completely identify with the feeling.
Enjoy the trip. Grace will be bringing all kinds of news from school soon! Love to all -
Talli,
Florida isn't the real south. Just ask a southerner. I think you're okay with short hair there. On the other hand Macon is SOUTHERN, in every sense.
Have fun! Drink some wine! I just ordered a few cases of wine for your arrival! It sounds like we will both need it.
As someone that has a birthday similar to Grace's - send her ahead. There are times when it sucks but I really like it now. My parents took me to a psychologist or something to help decide whether or not to send me forward. I think Grace very mature and so bright - send her ahead - of source easy for me to say - though I will have the exact issue in a few years - I made the decision now - send him forward!
Enjoy the trip - have fun and try not to worry too much. Can't wait to see you!
S
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