follow up

Does it seem odd that the first post I managed to publish after my grandma's death was a news clip from CNN? On reflection, it seems a bit strange to me. For a few days after her death, I thought about posting a eulogy of sorts but that seemed a tad creepy. My grandma was definitely not of the digital age, and remembering her here doesn't fit.

And then there's the fact that I'll never be able to distill my relationship with her into a few paragraphs. I had exceptional grandparents with whom I had very close relationships. Each of them, my grandmother and my grandfather, is so intricately woven into my history, my stories of self, that I can't see them with a shred of objectivity. Craig always says that he's never known someone who loved her grandparents as much as I did. His observation speaks more than I can. I loved her truly, deeply, and I feel so fortunate, down to my core, that I had her for 36 years.

I'm not sad for losing her now. She was more than ready to go and had been for quite awhile. I do miss her physical being however. Just as I felt the absence of my grandfather's arm around my shoulder, I will miss the way she kissed me good night, even as an adult. My grief is tempered by my belief in biology. I need not look to the heavens to feel a connection with her. I see her whenever I look into Grace's chocolate brown eyes.