Grace's X-Mas List 2009

Dear all,

Grace has written an adorable postcard to Santa Claus with her Christmas list. Just a note to family, Santa is bringing her a remote control car. I know that it will be full of Chinese plastic, but I don't care. It's a toy I like. Santa knows just the one to bring too!

Happy Thanksgiving Break (I need it).

Sincerely,
Craig

Repetition

November is National Blog Posting Month or NaBloPoMo. You might remember that I participated in this non stop blog fest last November and the November before. It was a challenge I thoroughly enjoyed. It helped me develop a rhythm of posting, and it required that I came up with more than one topic. I also met other bloggers, and I read some really good stuff.

I didn't join this month. I knew I had too much on my plate, and if you look my archives, you'll see I've only managed to write seven posts this month. That's a fair bit shy of the 30 required for NaBloPoMo. If you actually read those entries, you'll also see I had very little to say except "I'm sick, my kids are sick, boo hoo". Compelling stuff. What I've come to understand is blogging is a habit that requires practice. The less I write, the harder it becomes to write.

There are times when I think about giving this up, joining facebook, and reducing the amount of text I put on the internet. There will come a time when my kids won't appreciate the stories I've told here, and there will also come a time when I should respect their privacy a good deal more. There are stories I shouldn't tell after all. Not to worry however (as though you were), I'm not quitting yet. I'm just slightly bummed that I'm so damn boring these days.

I'm being swallowed by a...

Thing called illness. Well, not me personally, but my life. Julia is coming down with something new. Didn't we just go through this two weeks ago? Am I beginning to sound like a broken record? Yes, I am. Every single mother has to deal with sick kids. Every single working mother has to balance childcare and work and illness: the trifecta of doom. Other women certainly don't complain as much as I do, but hey I've got to be me.

J woke from her nap with enormous bags under her eyes and flopped around for the rest of the afternoon. She's very lovey at this stage of sick. She wants to hug and be held and exchange a steady stream of I love yous. After a warm bath she couldn't make it through her bedtime stories. She turned to me mid sentence and said, "I need to go to bed now." This is not a child that gives up her bedtime stories easily.

I can put everything on hold except a meeting at 9:30 tomorrow morning. Craig has class from 9:25 until 10:45am. My back-up person can't watch her. My brain hurts trying to figure this out. Do I cancel? It took me three weeks to pin this meeting down. Cue the voice in my head: And it may take another three to reschedule. Suck it up, camper, this is your life on sickness.

Grace in small things: 17 of 356

1. Driving north on Friday night, leaving the kids and husband behind.

2. Five friends arriving at the same destination: Athens, Georgia.

3. Talking until I can't talk anymore with friends who know every little bit about me.

4. Grand Marnier Margaritas.

5. Playing Wise or Otherwise, my new favorite game, with some very wise women.

follow up

Does it seem odd that the first post I managed to publish after my grandma's death was a news clip from CNN? On reflection, it seems a bit strange to me. For a few days after her death, I thought about posting a eulogy of sorts but that seemed a tad creepy. My grandma was definitely not of the digital age, and remembering her here doesn't fit.

And then there's the fact that I'll never be able to distill my relationship with her into a few paragraphs. I had exceptional grandparents with whom I had very close relationships. Each of them, my grandmother and my grandfather, is so intricately woven into my history, my stories of self, that I can't see them with a shred of objectivity. Craig always says that he's never known someone who loved her grandparents as much as I did. His observation speaks more than I can. I loved her truly, deeply, and I feel so fortunate, down to my core, that I had her for 36 years.

I'm not sad for losing her now. She was more than ready to go and had been for quite awhile. I do miss her physical being however. Just as I felt the absence of my grandfather's arm around my shoulder, I will miss the way she kissed me good night, even as an adult. My grief is tempered by my belief in biology. I need not look to the heavens to feel a connection with her. I see her whenever I look into Grace's chocolate brown eyes.

This is Macon

and good things do happen here.

Let's whine. Part II

1. We've moved on from a cold to an ear infection (thanks everyone for clarifying the differences between a cold and flu).

1. Grace came down with Julia's cold on Saturday. She's now moved on from a cold to an ear infection in both ears. And a raging fever. And body aches "ALL OVER, MOMMY."

2. Two weeks ago I paid to have Julia go to school for an extra three days a week, which, at this point, means I've paid some crazy amount for the TWO extra days that she actually made it to school.

2. Two and half weeks ago I started a new job. Since starting that job both of my kids have been sick. Both of my kids have been absent from school. I do not have childcare outside of my spouse. You figure it out.

3. I have PMS, and I don't need to explain why that's a whine.

3. I'm having my period. Need I say more.

4. After yesterday's work meeting, I have A LOT of stuff to do. And this is a whine because of Number 1.

4. I have meetings every day this week. This would be complicated with well kids. This is a disaster with sick kids. The only thing keeping me afloat is Craig, and the only way he's doing it is by canceling office hours and ditching his job. This is not a long term solution. I have yet to find a babysitter who will care for sick kids. Do they exist?

5. Grace's Kindergarten teacher sent a note home saying Grace needs to do a better job coloring in the lines. Is she serious? It took a lot of restraint to not write back, "this is effing riciculous". Yes, that's PMS talking. I wish I could show Mrs. S the hundreds of coloring pages we have laying around the house where the detail in Grace's coloring blows my mind. Grace doesn't color in the lines on her work sheets because it's boring. When she's bored she rushes through things. How do I know this? She's EXACTLY like her dad. He does the same thing.

5. I'm coming down with their cold. I need my mom.

.......
7:46pm

And my grandma is dying, so you really don't need to read all of the bs I listed above. I can't quite come up with words for this now, which is okay because my limited vocabulary won't allow me to adequately describe this essential woman. A woman for whom I owe a great debt of love and gratitude.

What really bums me out...

Is the lack of candy around here. As much as I like halloween, I wasn't crushed that we didn't go trick or treating. I've had my hands full with sick kids, finding time to work, cleaning sticky surfaces, the usual. By the time Saturday came around I was working on a sore throat and stressing about Monday (today, which went well thanks to my child wrangling husband), so it wasn't until this afternoon, when I got a hankering for hunk of chocolate, that it hit me: We have NO CANDY.

Now I have to rifle through Grace's backpack to make sure she doesn't have any leftovers from her fall party. It's a cruel, cruel world.