I'm entering that period when the time it takes to get Julia down for a nap exceeds the amount she sleeps. This frustrates me endlessly because I love having nap time to myself. I'm the worst parent to emulate when it comes to toddler naps. While Grace hasn't napped for three years, back in her toddlerhood she never went to sleep on her own, and neither does her sister. If I leave the room prior to shut eyes and rhythmic breathing, there will be no nap. There will be lots of chatter, followed by some laughter, and finally whining. My solution has been to admit defeat, for the sake of sleep, and sit in the room until Julia settles herself. I often read a book, stopping frequently to admonish her with "shhhh" and "it's time to sleep", until she finally gives in to slumber.
Today I got unreasonably frustrated and angry, so I yelled at her and stomped out of the room. It was obvious who the child was at that moment: me. Minutes later, head hung low, I returned to her room, crawled into her bed and hugged her. With dagger like words she whispered, "you hurt me." I know I did, and I'm sorry, and I wonder why I turned nap time into a fight. She stokes my hair. Anytime she feels upset or insecure, she goes for my hair, or anyone else's hair within reach, even her own, since she is finally getting some. Twirling my hair can prolong taking a nap better than chatting, so I roll to face her and we twine fingers together. Our heads incline, noses almost touching. I close my eyes. I'm no longer frustrated. Instead I feel grace--what marvelous fortune to have this little being lie next to me. Just as this thought appears in my mind, I feel her fall asleep. If I had to describe this sensation, how I know she's sleeping though my eyes are closed, it's as though her body has opened or released any tension and I feel that release.
I untwine our fingers and slip out of her bed. She's my last baby. Having her sleep near me will not last as long as I'd like. Hopefully I will remember that tomorrow when we begin our nap routine again.
2 comments:
Love this entry. If Thayer is asleep when I go to bed it is very tempting to go in there and bring her to bed with me. She isn't going to be a baby much longer, especially one that can't move very well, so I want to take it all in! This is my last baby! But I know I won't want her there all of the time and she needs to sleep by herself.
I hear you on the frustration! I soooo look forward to naptime - the 1 or 2 hrs where it's so quiet in the house and I can have 'me' time. If Lucas isn't falling asleep, or doesn't sleep long I feel frustrated some days too. It's like 'would you just PLEASE go to SLEEP!?!' :) I feel your pain.
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