Belated

First, a belated Happy Valentine's Day to you. A few years ago I would have written in detail about our Valentine's day events, how the girls insisted on making their own (which were totally adorable, but extremely labor intensive and expensive) and how I'm still cleaning glitter hearts from the floor. Now (years past my blogging prime) you get one image.



She's pretty darn cute though.

I've thought a lot about why I don't blog regularly anymore, and when I do write it's always to post something about how I can't write or won't write. What a downer. Truth is that our life isn't down, but it is busy. The other truth is that I've chosen not to blog too many details about my girls. For the last couple of years I've had this nagging whisper in my ear: don't post that picture, don't tell that story. Why? It's not that I have creepy followers (though visitors from Russia and China do make me wonder, "how the heck did you stumble on this particular blog?"). No, it's that I worry about the consequences of having one's life documented in very fine detail for all to see. Grace and Julia haven't had much choice in what I've said or not said about them on the internet. And I wonder how I might be different if every moment, every mistake were available for a wider audience to dissect. I feel bound (and sometimes tied) by my own past, a past that thankfully lives only in my memory, and not online. What if that past were out there in digital relief? Would I be able to leave it where it belongs? Or would I be overly burdened by the expectations painted in ever thickening layers by my internet past?

The answer, of course, is that I don't want that burden for my girls (and I understand that I'm projecting my own fears here). They're being raised in an altered reality, one that I don't recognize from my childhood. There's a strong chance they wouldn't feel the same burden that I fear, but I'm not willing to roll those dice. In the coming months I will dismantle this blog (after I get a hard and digital copy, of course). I will continue to upload pictures to my flickr account (cause I can't walk away from the 4000 I've already uploaded), but I will make that site private. If you're interested in seeing pictures in the future, just give me a shout by email, and I will give you access.

This is not my last post. I do have a few more to go, but I also want to have an eye on the future, which means the end of Two Little Ladybugs. It's been a good run; this blog has been a companion of sorts, especially in the early days of motherhood, and for that I'm deeply thankful.